I gave my Husband some flowers
Yesterday I gave my husband some flowers.
Our friends took my husband to some meetings yesterday and I went along. While waiting I saw a frangipani tree which you can see everywhere in Bali, Indonesia. I was surprised yet delighted to see this tree in Crete. I picked some flowers that had fallen onto the soil and gave them to my husband when he returned.
He remembered the flowers. He accepted them onto his hand and asked, ‘What am I meant to do with them?’
‘Smell them.’ I took his bag from him so he only had to carry the flowers. The gentle way he handled the flowers touched my heart.
My husband introduced the flowers to our friends and settled into the front passenger seat. I sat at the back and from time to time I saw him bringing the flowers close to his face to smell them. Every time he did this, flowers opened inside of my chest. It is a gift in itself when a gift is being cherished.
My husband and I have been together for nearly 15 years now. Years ago we had a huge argument in Bali. It was one of those fights that seemed there was no return. We didn’t talk to each other and went to bed in silence.
I used to be rather pessimistic and felt every argument was the end of our relationship. After a sleepless night, I went for a walk while my husband was still asleep. I came across many frangipani flowers on the ground. It was the first time I saw so many of them on the ground. I guess the locals would pick them up early in the morning to make various ornaments and I usually got up much later.
What treasure! I took as many flowers as my two hands could carry without crushing them. My first instinct was to bring them to my husband. I was a bit worry that he wouldn’t like them as we weren’t supposed to be talking with each other. My heart was in pieces already so I had not much to lose. I was determined to share with him the greatest treasure I found that day.
I placed the flowers on his bed side table and left the room, hoping that these lovely flowers would be the first things he saw and smelled that day, and not me who made him so angry the previous night.
Later that day we walked around in silence until I couldn’t handle it anymore. I asked if he saw the flowers.
‘Yes. They smelled very nice,’ replied my husband with a catch in his voice. There seemed to be a debate inside of his head and eventually he came over to hug me. The argument we had didn’t seem so important anymore.
Over the years we have had many more arguments*. Some of them were like small earthquakes. The last one was actually 2 days ago. This time my husband stayed calm for both of us and he turned a small forest fire into a gentle glow in my heart within 10 minutes. We both won.
Have you ever argued with your partner, friends and family members? Usually everyone wants to win the argument as everyone believes they are right and want to get their points across. Some people might even draw bystanders into the boxing ring to get them onto their side so as to win by the number.
My husband loves playing sports and is highly competitive. He has a different philosophy on winning when it comes to relationships though. He said that there are two people in a relationship. The game is to achieve harmony within the relationship. When they argue, they both lose. They both win when harmony is restored.
My husband forgets his own wisdom sometimes. Such good luck that he shared his thoughts with me and I am able to remind him when needed!
Do you have harmony in your relationship most of the time? Are you in love with each other no matter how many years you have been with each other? Is he/she the one you want to share every treasure you come across?
If you and your partner are unhappy for some time and are finding it hard to rekindle that ‘spark’, and yet both of you decide to stay together to work through it, my colleagues or myself could be of assistance for you.
The turning point of my husband and my relationship was when we got in touch with my late teacher Ida Lyall. She didn’t have cupid’s bow nor magic potion. Yet through healing she assisted myself and my husband to be able to communicate with each other in an effective way and we were able to move on from past hurts. The path isn’t always straight and easy but through this windy road we stay happily together regardless what life has thrown at us.
The key, as Ida pointed out to me when we first met, is that we made a choice to be together. I was feeling helpless and hopeless after a series of earthquake arguments with my husband. Ida asked me how I wanted her to help me.
‘I want to remember the good bits and let go of the bad bits.’ I knew even then the good bits with my husband far outnumbered the bad bits. It was just so difficult to remember them in the middle of internal and external earthquakes, i.e., the arguments between me and my husband as well as some unfortunate circumstances at that period of our lives.
The bad bits didn’t magically disappear. However they grew into insignificance while the good bits expanded. We didn’t ‘live happily ever after’ from that point though. It took us time and patience still to listen to and learn about each other. Together, we continue to create many good bits.
Looking back, none of those arguments were important. They were only important temporarily as we learnt about each other. Like that Bali argument we had. All we remember now are the beautiful fragrant flowers.
What are some of the good bits of your relationship? What are the bad bits that you would like to leave behind?
*My husband would say we didn’t have that many arguments. For me, one is too many!