Hello! I’m Stephanie.

Is Depression a ‘thing’?

My first encounter with Natural Healing Methods

‘Do you know you have depression?’

My Kinesiologist asked me after doing some checks in the Kinesiology way. At the time I had no idea what Kinesiology was or how it worked, even after reading everything from this Kinesiologist’s website several times. That was also my first encounter with natural healing methods. I decided to give it a go because at the time, I had been performing as a belly dancer in restaurants for half a year but I was still experiencing very bad stage fright.

After settling me into her very comfortable massage bed, the Kinesiologist asked me the reason of my visit. I gave her a little list that included stage fright, anxiety, anger and maybe some others. I didn’t mention depression because I had never spoken about it out loud and I never dared consider it as a real ‘thing’. I often heard people said that if a person was depressed, it was only because they were too lazy to do anything, they wanted people’s attention or something equally condemning. I also heard that if a person wanted to be happy, they just needed to try or try harder.

‘Yes. Kind of.’ I replied hesitantly, relieved that someone finally acknowledged it. One day during my university days, it suddenly dawned on me that I wasn’t normal. I was living at the dormitory and hung around my basketball teammates often and I observed that people around me were mostly happy unless there were something bothering them e.g. stress from exams, heartbreaks; whereas I existed as if there was a dark cloud around me with no apparent reasons.  

‘What have you done about it?’ Asked the Kinesiologist.

‘I try not to think about it.’

Which was half the truth. I tried to copy these happy people and do whatever advices I heard or read up regarding how to be happy, such as positive thinking. At times I thought it worked but the dark cloud would have returned by the time I woke up in the morning. I also knew I failed badly with my attempt on happiness when one day my mum asked me to stop faking laughter because she found it eerie.

The Kinesiologist turned away and let out a soft but deep sigh. I felt a familiar air of sadness. Did I imagine it?

The rest of the session passed like a blur. The Kinesiologist was sitting by my side the whole time, sometimes lightly touching my head, sometimes referring to her notes while checking things out through my arm muscle (she gave me a brief introduction at the beginning of the session). I was staring out of the window most of the time and found the experience oddly comforting. I told her the bed was very comfortable. Looking back now, I was probably drifting in and out of other dimensions.

I felt peculiar at the end of the session. The Kinesiologist said I would be feeling fragile for a while and she told me to be gentle with myself. Yes, fragile was how I felt. Luckily, I had asked a friend to meet me afterwards. I didn’t know what a Kinesiology session was like and asked her to come in case I had put myself in danger.

It was a dark-cloudy and rainy day. After sharing with my friend what happened, we didn’t talk much as that odd fragile feeling continued. We went to my home to eat and for me to prepare for a dance performance later.

Magic happened as I was finishing my makeup and looked out to the window to access the weather. Usually dark clouds and rainy days depressed me but this time, as I was looking at the clouds, everything suddenly became brighter, as if someone removed a dark filter from my eyes. Instead of feeling fragile, my heart was filled with wonders of how these dark clouds suddenly looked so beautiful. All those layers and different shades of colours combining with all the tall buildings created such an amazing picture. Later when I was performing, I found the music was livelier than usual, and the different layers of music from different instruments became so much clearer to my ears. As I looked out the restaurant, I no longer found rains intimidating – every raindrop looked like sparkle!

I returned to the Kinesiologist for assistance with other areas of my being. After some sessions I felt immediate changes and after some, I didn’t feel anything. I found that for the issues that I had been helping myself, the session gave me a big boost to the direction that I wanted to go. For topics that I had never even considered at that point of my life, e.g. self-love, a part of me seemed to open up to new wonderful possibilities for my journey of self-discovery. 

Cloudy days can be beautiful too!

A little metaphor for Depression as I know it

It is not easy for people to understand depression unless they have experienced it themselves. Let me try and explain – it’s like I’ve been driving in the dark and can’t see the road clearly. You tell me to switch on the headlights and try all the other available lights. I try and try, it seems to help but still, I can’t seem to see as clearly as other drivers can. Even when the morning comes and I am the only one using the all the lights and I still can’t see the road clearly. And the reason is that somehow my windscreen has a thick layer of dust on it. I don’t know how my car became that way. It is also not necessary to know where the depression come from. What is necessary is to acknowledge it and to take appropriate actions.

The people who think ‘if you want to be happy, you just need to try’, are quite right. We do need to help ourselves. I wouldn’t say ‘try hard’ though but find the tools, e.g. guided meditation, that are appropriate for you and do it often. I have shared some Simple Wellness Techniques that anyone can use in this blog. Keep reading and you might find the tools for you. I also talked about 30 easy to follow healing tools/experiment in this ‘What is Love?’ video series for everyone to explore.

It is often helpful to speak to someone. The Kinesiologist who assisted me didn’t have long chats with me but her acknowledging my condition without condemning me was a very important part of my healing.

If you like to seek some assistance from a wellness practitioner, check out my list of services and please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or concerns.

*Photo by PhotoMan AKA Konstantinos Anastasakis